Amy

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again:  drugs are bad, mmmkay?  They’re fun, but they’re bad.  Rehab is when drugs stop being fun.  Amy needed to go to rehab.

But she said no.

No.

No.

No.

And now she done got herself killed.  I once watched a TV special on Amy in which all her childhood teachers said she was an extreme talent.  Well that’s too bad, because no one took the time to listen; we all just sat in wait while she drank herself hideous.

It’s Hollywood’s biggest case of “I told you so” so far.  No one’s been focused on her musical ability, but asking themselves how it was legal to let this girl go about her life without a mandatory 24 hour suicide watch.  Now she’s part of the 27 club, with some actual geniuses, but we’re all just talking about the rehab.

I wonder how her daddy’s doing?  He thought she was fine.  And I don’t even give a shit about her autopsy report because it’s not going to tell me a damn thing I don’t already know.  Why did Amy think this would be a good idea?  The only lyrics I know off her whole album is the chorus to her one hit wonder; how could she have possibly thought that her fame would last much longer than 30 seconds after her demise?

This just in, my sources are telling me she had 2 albums.  Great, even more music that no one’s ever listened to.

I apologize; I don’t know why I’m being so sassy.

I guess I should feel bad for her?  But I can’t.  The only thing I’m going to miss about Amy Winehouse was that Elvira beehive.  Shit, if I want to sit and listen to a sultry jazz voice, I’ll smoke an entire pack of Marlboros on my balcony in 30 minutes and karaoke You Know I’m No Good, and preferably the Ghostface version.  This isn’t the first Hollywood RIP, so sad, too bad, don’t let the door hit you on your way out tribute.  I’m just so sick of it anymore.  I was totally bummed out when I heard that Ryan Dunn died, but good God, that man lived more than nine lives, and could have gotten more people killed driving that way.  At least he went out in a speeding car of flames (I’m sure Johnny wishes he had that on tape for Jackass 4G).

I guess it will take me becoming disgustingly famous before I understand why these “stars” do this to themselves.  I’ve never been the world’s most sympathetic person, but c’mon.  Hollywood deaths used to shock the nation, but now I’m taking cash and checks in my poll to see who’s next.  These things seem to come in 3’s and I’ve got $20.00 on Sheen, and $5.00 on Lohan. 

Always $5.00 on Lohan.